Category: Dating and Relationships
I was having a conversation with a guy the other day.
He felt 70% of women he’s asked out are bisexual.
I too have noticed this, but I don’t know if my rate is as high as his.
Bisexual women are in all age groups.
More women are claiming bisexuality, or actually living the life style.
Many would like to have boyfriends mainly if they can find someone to agree to allow them a girl night out on occasion.
If they can’t have that, they date guys, and keep the girlfriend as the main partner, if they are open about it.
I personally don’t think this is new. Women have always had close girl- friends.
Are women being more honest about what these relationships really are, or is this new?
Why are women bisexual?
Is it femininity that makes it easy for a woman to feel close to her friend, and sexually interested in them?
I asked about femininity, because it seems the bisexual woman is also one that is totally female in behavior, dress, and manner.
What are your opinions?
Honestly? I think one person's examples are a very bad sample size.
Stated bisexuality is on the rise, but that's largely because people are now feeling more at liberty to speak up. It's probably not way more statistically common, but it looks that way because people have come out more publicly. This is just a guess.
As for the bit about it being a fad? Well, there are certainly men and women both, women especially I think, who embrace it as a fad when they're young. It's cool, it's edgy, and you can say what you want and not actually have to back it up. That being said, however, it's not at all fair to trivialize bisexuality this way, so anyone who's claiming to be bisexual who truthfully isn't actually ought to stop saying so. I would bet that the vast majority of people claiming they're bisexual are either dead right, or they're what I'd call bicurious...which is to say that they might have or possess romantic feelings for people of both genders but are unsure on how far they'd actually take those feelings, given a chance. Nothing wrong with that either. Experiment and find out, or settle down with someone of either gender and call it good.
I don't really have an oppinion on this, since I haven't needed to ask out a girl for years. I haven't known too many girls who identify as bisexual, though I know they're out there. If I had to guess, I'd say it's probably a combination of fad - as same sex attraction is not so taboo as it once was, and a bit trendy even. But I'm sure it's also a matter of people being able to speak openly and honestly now that they're less likely to be torn apart by others around them.
I guess my question is, why only ask this about bisexual women? It seems more people, both men and women, are labeling themselves as all kinds of things: homosexual, asexual, pansexual, polyamorous, transgender, genderqueer, and all kinds of other terms I've never even heard of now. To the point that they've actually had to start inventing a term for someone who, as they say, identifies as the gender they were actualy born with. That, I recently learned, is cisgender. Or if you need to have emotional connection with someone to want sex with them, demisexual. So now not only do we have terms for what is new and trendy, but have to have terms for what would be considered "traditional." Whether it's people being more comfortable, a fad, a sign of the times, trendy, I don't know. My guess is, it's all of the above, swinging to the point that now you're looked down on if you are a straight, monogamous, cisgender, demisexual person. Oh wait, my bad, I just forgot another trend, I need to be person first here. A person who is...all those things.
Smile. Made me laugh sister.
I only am at this one though.
The book Sex At Dawn, available on Bookshare discusses this.
Apparently in the human female bisexuality, or pansexuality, is far more common. It has to do with brain composition. By the time a boy has passed puberty, in a majority of instances, his preferences are set. It's not a cultural issue, apparently it's a physiological one.
I don't think it's fair to assume that "Every woman is a little bit bi," as some do. After all, the strict Lesbian doesn't want contact with men, and I am married to someonw who rather resents the notion that all women are this way, her preferences are rather set.
But as to averages, it seems that women have more flexibility, in the brain, in this area than men do.
Again, softheaded sciences / humanities people can get all cranky and upset with biology if they want to, but apparently this is in the biology for many.
* many doesn't mean all, for the desperately insecure who imagine that it does. *many* means statistical majority.
Now as to why? I don't know the answer to that question.
Your daughter gave you this?
She has recently told you she's bisexual?
Um, wayne, you do realize that none of the women you described in your
original post would be bisexual, right? a girl dating a guy and sleeping with a
girl outside of that relationship would be polyamorous in a bisexual fashion, not
strictly bisexual. Bisexual just means finding both men and women sexually
attractive, and its not just restricted to women.
And Alisha, the reason we have terms for things like one man loving one
woman, is to avoid treating that as normal or average, because that is
demeaning to all the other things. If we call heterosexuality normal, it means
that homosexuality or bisexuality, or asexuality is not normal, and that's not
true, and its insulting. So we have labels for those categories which don't
involve measuring them against other categories. That way no one category is
seen as better than other categories.
For the purposes of this topic, I am referring specifically to women.
They are single, because they are dating, but not necessarily in a fixed relationship with anyone.
They are physically attracted, or claim to be, to both sexes, and may or may not have sex with them.
They identify themselves as bisexual.
When seeking a date, or physical relationship with a man, they inform him they are bisexual, and may from time to time want to be sexual with a female, but mainly date the male.
If they don’t find a male that agrees to these terms, they remain single and occasionally have sexual relationships with a close female friend.
Some are actually in relationships with females, but are not polyamorous.
They may have sex with a man, but not invite him to join the group, or union.
His role is to allow the bisexual partner in the set relationship an outlet for her sexual desire.
But that is a different topic.
I am interested if you think this is new, a fad, a trend, or not happening at all?
Categorization actually helps with description. Else the hard sciences wouldn't use it. We call a right triangle a right triangle, bnot because other triangles would be demeaned or something, but as a description. Then you know what is meant by a right triangle and aren't surprised that one of its angles is at 90 degrees, nor that the hypotenuse is the opposite.
Women are statistically more likely to be bisexual than men, and apparently there's a brain factor involved. Read the book "Sex At Dawn", if you have a Bookshare.
Categories with meaning are indifferent to feelings. I'm a cisgendered person, not because of "lack of demeaning" but we needed a term to state "not trans." And just as "trans" came from the hard sciences, so also has "cis".
Also it's not fair to co-opt different sexualities as sort of a "cool card". My daughter was sort of frustrated when she told me about this. Apparently, some people imagine that anyone on the LGBT spectrum is somehow cooler or more openminded by default. I understand the LGBT resentment of this trendy co-opting; we as the blind don't like it when people think we have superpowers or extra senses or any of that other nonsense. Being blind is just biology, and sexuality is just biology too. They wan the same as the rest of us, the freedom to live, work, play, and live life like the rest of us.
She told me that that saying "Everyone's just a little bit bi" is pretty insulting actually.
Now why bisexuality occurs more often in women than men? I think the hard sciences will be better suited to figure that one out.
I've always felt women were more able, or apt to be bisexual as well.
I didn't know there was some study to agree with me.
I personally believe it has always been with us, and close friends have probably shared sex in secret.
I know of a private women's social group who's members are mostly married.
They have a social night, and they've not told their husbands the social night is actually so they can be with other women sexually.
It isn't like an orgy or anything, they pair up. but it is a way to meet like minded women and have a drink, or dance, or what have you.
There's apparently some studies coming out of the middle east, where wives may have sex with each other when the husband is not there.
It's not infidelity if no other man is involved. The explanation from an evolutionary perspective is that the male as resource provider doesn't want to be saddled with the responsibility of children that are from another father. Female / female sex doesn't produce offspring and is far less likely to transfer sexually transmitted diseases.
The male provider is still a key factor in the most progressive states in the U.S. where divorce and family court is concerned. I wouldn't know what the solution ultimately is. But perhaps our illusions about surpassing human nature are just that, illusions.
Interesting. I’m going to do some research on that.
I have read some accounts.
They are really fond of the other wives. I’ve read it is a family, or comfortable experience to be able to raise the children together and such things.
Each has her separate house, or rooms in the house, so I could see how that happen.
The husband wouldn’t feet threaten at all, because as you point out, the sex causes him no problems.
He still can get enough sex, and his women are at home.
I wonder about nuns too. It be really difficult to know, because women are much better at keeping secrets, or close nit groups then men.
Forereel, post 11, sounds like nothing more than some guy's overactive fantasy imagination!
This kind of assumption is just going to make the insecure husbands more insecure and suspicious!
Sorry, I just envision some bully type jumping to wrong conclusions about his wife and her girlfriend, based on this notion that lots of women secretly are carrying on with their friends.
I've never known anyone to do that, but maybe it's more common for 20-somethings who have few boundaries, anyway.
I'm still confused by why you insist on including either a woman being
unfaithful, or a woman being polyamorous into the term bisexual? Are you of
the opinion that bisexual women can't be monogamous, or faithful to one
partner of whatever gender they choose? Why are you so focused on the
supposed polyamory of these women you seem to be treating as nearly
mythical creatures?
To answer your quetion directly, no, bisexual women is not a fad, and its not a
new thing. There is documentation of all the sexual identities going back to
pretty much the beginning of the time that we wrote that kind of thing down,
and no reason to assume that it suddenly started then. Sexuality is not a fad or
a trend or a new thing. Being able to voice it without having your family disown
you is a new thing, and still not one that's entirely set in stone yet, but the
sexuality itself is not new.
And Leo, your triangle analogy doesn't work because a right triangle is not
seen as the normal manner in which a triangle should be. Right triangles don't
lynch all the other triangles. Right triangles don't call non-right triangles weird
or abnormal. That's what happens when one category is seen as normal, all the
people who don't fit into that category are, by definition, not normal. So we
should avoid calling one category normal so that no one is seen as abnormal. If
you have no normal, you also have no abnormal.
Normal in this case probably means statistically normal, and being straight is statistically normal.
That said, many people who use the word "noormal" do not act this way, and continue to find themselves superior because they're in the so-called normal group. If people were responsible enough to use normalcy effectively, it'd be fine...but they aren't.
I think you're giving bigoted people a bit too much credit if you expect them
to know the difference between normal and statistically normal Greg.
Ok let's just say "statistically normative" when we mean it I guess.
Now, Cody brought up an interesting but valid point from the 1990s. This notion
that bisexual equals polyamorous. It stems from the misguided notion that a
bisexual person has unique needs that can only be fulfilled by a person of each
sex. That's actually not how bisexuality works; it's an attraction to both sexes.
Not being "unfulfilled" by commitment to a person of one sex.
The old soc.bi newsgroup from 1994 had a rather interesting article on just that
point. But again, 1994 was another time when rational discourse prevailed more
often over the character assassinations we see often today. I, for one, was
educated by that particular soc.bi article which I can't find now.
Bisexuality implies attraction to both sexes, not a need for both sexes
concurrently in a relationship.
Now it is technically true that women do statistically cheat as often as men, and
that men are less good at catching women at it. Women tend to be better at
concealing their efforts also.
Also, among humans and other primates, male jealousy tends to be more in
play when the female is having a caper with another male. Another female is
not a threat, for the evolutionary reasons I described earlier. If a man's wife
cheats with another woman, he will not be stuck paying for another man's
children. And, his wife is statistically less likely to "bring something home," as it
were. No STD.
Males are jealous of other males. This is why men don't think like a collective
and women do. Men compete with other men. This is not just an ancient
machismo trope. But look at modern feminist men who are extremely
competitive to show who is the better feminist, and throw every other man
under the bus. Men aren't just competing for sex, they're competing for
approval. Yesterday's knight who competed for the favor of a maid is today's
modern feminist man competing for the approval of the woman. Google "One
good man syndrome."
This is strict male-on-male competition. Even a young male, who clearly has the
advantage with young females, will immediately demonstrate competitive
nature against some middle aged has-been male whose resources are already
spoken for by another female.
I'm not saying women don't compete with each other; I'm in a all-female
household except for me. And my daughter's told me plenty of stories. But in
this area, you're really dealing with male on male competition.
Yesterday's strutting jock is today's androgynous male feminist; both competing
males, both very ready to throw us average types under the bus. It's just
human nature, not cool or enlightened or anything else. When you see two
males competing, be it a male feminist or a male jock, you're just seeing the
same thing in human apes as you would in other species like chimpanzees and
to a certain extent bonobonos.
You won't see male apes getting upset when the female ape is cavorting with
another female ape. Like Wayne describes, this is not really to the detriment of
the family often, it's when the two or more female apes were already together.
Of course, that doesn't mean *all* or even *most* human apes male or female
do this cavorting, but when it happens among females only, there's very little
actual risk.
I am not suggesting bisexual women cannot be faithful.
I am posing no judgments here, just stating facts as experienced, and opinions or thoughts from readings of articles.
In my post, I point out that the women claiming to be bisexual may or may not be having sex with anyone. They are just stating their sexual preference.
These that are having sex, come under different groups.
They are not mythical, but very real.
I do agree strongly with Leo; men just don’t seem to wonder about the wife’s best friend. It only becomes an issue if she leaves him for her, but otherwise, if not told, I don’t think it is much noticed.
Women hug, kiss, all the time, and they aren’t bisexual or anything at all, just female.
You don’t find men kissing or hugging much unless they are gay/bisexual.
Not in North America anyway.
If you think post 11 sounds like a fantasy,or that the women described are myth, that is exactly what I’d like to know.
The women’s groups I’ve talked about is very real however.
It is one of the things that decided me on posting this topic. I wanted to learn what others felt about this trend, or non-existents of it.
I have added my thoughts and opinions.
I intend to read the book Leo suggested and try to find the studies he’s pointed to.
hi. I don’t know how to put this, but there are times where i just want a girl
instead of a man, we are different after all in our interaction, and so on. So that
makes me bisexual.
My next bf will most certainly have to deal with it. If he can’t, well no go, cause
i must absolutely have it, that is how i am wired.
So, Sandi, then you seem to need both, not just one, and that would probably mean you're closer to polyamory.
Good way to explain it is this:
Not all polyamorous people are bisexual, and not all bisexual people are polyamorous. But you can be both, and if you need something from both sexes/expect a partner of one sex to be okay with your dalliances with the other sex, then that's both bisexuality and polyamory in play. Nothing wrong with that either, as long as there's disclosure involved of course. Which, for most people, there is.
And no, Cody. I'm not giving them credit. I'm saying that there -is such a thing as normal, and straight people are normal while non-straights aren't. But this is purely 100% in the statistical way. In every other way, it simply doesn't matter. And even statistically it doesn't matter much either. I mean, I'm a statistical minority because I'm blind. So what?
It would only be polyamory, if they lived together, or were in a relationship as a group.
If it isn't a group relationship, because the girl isn't the same girl each time, or is someone that is seen maybe once a month or ever now and againI guess this would be an open relationship between the husband/boyfriend and his bisexual girl.
The girls are friends, or sexual buddies, but the boyfriend/husband is not in a relationship with her girl.
Wayne, not all polyamorous people are in a relationship with each other. What you are thinking of is when they are in a triad, I think is what that's called.
So, if two women are together, and one of them is also with a man, that doesn't exclude them from being polyamorous just because they aren't all with each other.
I'm going on the set definition of what it is said to be.
Sure, people can set whatever rules they like for it.
Gets confusing though.
In my example, the women aren't together. They are like 1 night stands, or occasionals.
Here's what I believe polyamorous to be.
They love many people at once. It's not always about sex, but my example is only about sex and fulfilling a desire, so no love or connection involved.
Only sometimes.
Now, I do understand that bisexual women can be polyamorous .
http://polyamorousdefinition.com/
These things are interesting.
I can be called polyamorous , because I have the ability to really love and have loved more then one person at a time.
But again, that is a different subject.
Interesting topic you've brought up here, Wayne. I know I, for one, am still
learning a lot about this stuff, with hopefully no more value judgments than
strictly necessary for people remaining safe and consensual.
I’ve been reading on the things you suggested some today Leo and I’ve learned some interesting things.
One article suggest that women have never been punish in the Bible. Homosexuality is talked about, but not bisexuality between women.
It suggests the reason for this is it was a normal part of life, so expected.
If a man had several wives, it was difficult for him to visit them all enough to keep them satisfied. It was a grievous crime for them to stray, so they were with each other often.
Another article suggests in polygamous marriages, it is psychologically better for the marriage if women share the husband together, or each other.
This keep them from becoming jealous.
If one wife hears the other having sex, she’ll wonder what they are doing, but if she’s invited in sometimes, or can have sex with her co wife, they form a strong bond.
Back to the other article.
Because a husband was in control of his wives, it was acceptable if she shared them together or allowed them to share each other. As you point out, it was not thought to be infidelity.
It was in the confines of marriage, so not a sin.
Only lesbians were thought to be sinful.
I’ll be reading the book Sex At Dawn this week as well.
I also saw a reference to it being natural for women to be bisexual, or more natural then men.
It suggested 15% of women are bisexual to 5% of men.
That article pointed to the popular trend in high school girls.
There was a case about a prom.
The girl had a boyfriend that liked porn and wanted her to save so she'd be like the girls in it.
She ditched him and wanted to go to the prom with her friend, but the school refused to allow it sighting prom couple had to be male female.
She talked about how it was easier to be with her girlfriend, because she didn't expect things of her like the boyfriend did.
They could lay under the covers and talk and be close with no pressure.
She won her case, but the school cancled the prom and moved it to a secret location.
Moved the prom? Really? Was this a private school with a senior class of ten?
In what year did this supposedly happen?
seems like I remember hearing about that in the news about 3 or 4 years back.
The 2010 Itawamba County School District prom controversy took place in Itawamba County, Mississippi, and began when lesbian student Constance McMillen was refused permission to take her girlfriend to the Itawamba County Agricultural High School prom.
I saw a article about it on a page talking about the psychology of why more teenage girls were becoming bisexual, or claiming to be.
Here is the exact article I was reading if you are interested.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sax-sex/201004/why-are-so-many-girls-lesbian-or-bisexual
Hi.
Well after having read the article i will put it like this, some girls may be
bisexual cause that is the the way they’re wired, others cause they have been
through things no one should go through so they don’t feel safe with males, but
want their cocks from time to time, others again might find out as a teen or,
later in life , every situation is different.
Now that i am surrounded by girls almost 24.7 it is becoming more and more
clear that i might need cock from time to time but am actually not sure i could
live with a man 24.7, which is all well and good.
Other girls might be different they wanna live with a male but get pussy
sometimes, that is just how nature is.
I guess we all have to remember that nature is many things, with different
ways from person to person.
There is no set variables as for why we are as we are, it is so many things.
sandi
Bisexuality is just something that is. I think people are more confident to 'come out' - and as for the femininity thing, you get feminine and less feminine women in every group.
Sure. I'd agree.
It just seems lately this is a trend or as you say, more women are willing to admit and live it.
Bisexual women, or the onces I've notice tend to be more feminine .